If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
