And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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