smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
