Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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