i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
