Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
