I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize