Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
