i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
