the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
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