he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
