Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
