I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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