oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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