I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I am naked and annoyed.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize