i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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