I haven't been this sober since birth.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
