lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize