Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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