I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize