Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
