I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
