I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
