It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
