Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
