I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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