I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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