You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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