Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
