i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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