i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
