I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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