no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
