pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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