I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
