her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize