tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
