Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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