I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
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