Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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