Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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