Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Apparently you make a good broom.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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