She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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