I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
