Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize