He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
