why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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