You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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