do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
