I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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