it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
