ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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