He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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