you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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