and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
