Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
