I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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