if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
