wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
