Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
