we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
