I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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