dude i'm inner monologue high
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize