We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
