I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
