The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
