If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
