I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
