God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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