Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
