white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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