Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
It's never too late to be topless.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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