i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
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