i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
