I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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