summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
