Betty ford says i'm here all night
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
