I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
