i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
