Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
