I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
