um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
