I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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