You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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