Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
