I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
