VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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